Tarot!

Tarot, tarot, tarot! Tarot!!

The month has changed and I have the "right" to spend some money on my own hobbies... so I finally, finally bought this tarot deck :)

There were two of the same type at the café, I picked up both and it was clear which one was correct to buy. The one at the very bottom was ready to move on, I guess. So now it will belong to me, and we will work together, hopefully for many years to come.

I intend this object to become a sacred one - with power beyond its paper and ink and Made In China origins. This will only happen if I put a part of my own soul into it. So all actions I take with this tarot, will be performed with that in mind.

If my children automatically know that these cards are very special, and respect them without me having to order them to... that will be a sign that I have succeeded.

When I have a moment today, I will re-read Mr. Greer's instructions about how to review and introduce yourself to a tarot deck, and read the "little white book" included.

One last thought... they designed the box to open like a book, onto a beautiful splash image... I feel happy that I have a little bit more genuine beauty in my life, at last :)

Review: Strange Rites.

Now THIS work deserves a thorough review. Let's give it one.

Strange Rites: New Religions for a Godless World was written by Tara Isabella Burton, a scholar of religion at some fancy-pants college. It is extremely entertaining, due to very clever usage of anecdotes, and also fascinating in what it implies about this particular historical moment. It contains some reference to history long past, but is mainly a snapshot of the Right Bleeding Now. And unlike most modern works, that is OK... because some rather interesting things are happening, it turns out, Right Bleeding Now.

To briefly summarize the chapters:

--A rather personal introduction
--Demographic description of "spiritual but not religious"
--An institutional introduction to American religion
--Comparison to what is appearing in modern America
--Fandom and video games as religion
--'Wellness culture' as religion
--New Age/Wicca/witch/etc religions that define themselves against Trump
--BDSM/polyamory and other weird sex as religion
--The social justice movement and techno-utopianism as new religions
--The alt-right, a religion which has arisen in opposition to the others

So... that's a lot to break down!

I won't bother with an essay structure - my impressions will do.

First, let's add "spiritual but not religious" to the same category as "quantum". Fuck. That. I would rather lie (?) and call myself agnostic than use such weaselly words.

Second, I don't know if this is what Burton intended, but the work comes off as scornful of every population she profiles. Again... the issue of shame.

She does, to her credit, attempt to head this off by a personal confession in the introduction describing her involvement in a community based on an experiential Shakespeare play that is, in my view, the definition of TOO MUCH. It comes off as a woman with a deep hole in her life, who is struggling to fill it, and this weird-ass play is standing in for a temple ritual or something. I guess some people need temple rituals.

Then again, maybe all of us would be better off with (saner, sober-er) temple rituals in our lives.

Third, she has a specific theological reason for her scorn, which I would like to dissect.

She calls out that all of the "new" religions that she profiles are based, very specifically, on worshipping the self. They are about valuing, modifying, purifying and perfecting one's own self above all (or nearly all) else.

I think she is right.

More than that, I think she's put her finger exactly on one of the reasons why religion and spirituality never appealed to me before now.

If your own self (and others') is all that there is, what's the point of worship?

Atheism was quite comfortable for me in that philosophical understanding. In fact, everything else seemed... dramatic. If not outright self-worshippy, which, ugh.

Do I need to go into why ugh? I don't think so. But I'll get a glass of water to see if that spurs any thoughts.

I'm writing things and deleting them. My thoughts are evolving, I guess.

But - I can make a psychological observation, which I'm pretty sure Burton shares. If your ego, or Heaven forbid (lol) your religious conscience, is tied up in self-perfection... well... that isn't, uh, happening. In this life or probably any other.

It's a recipe for never, ever, ever, ever being happy or satisfied at any point in your entire life.

Given that, it was perfectly logical for me to be an atheist. Because being an atheist meant accepting what **is**, and given that, what is **possible**. And there, for me, was the key to being content in life.

Again... I'm not certain I've shifted so much. Because I know - I know pretty well! - that it is possible for humans to be religious and/or spiritual. That was always, technically, an option.

The reason I ruled that out was... ethical.

I'll sidle in here and note that the vast majority of modern Christians - no matter their political persuasion - are worshipping themselves just as much as the witches and the alt-right are. It's the modern condition. It's... American.

And this self-worship Burton calls out, I think that was an aspect of said ethics.

Because I FUCKING LOATHE IT.

I'll need to investigate that loathing later, when I am less tired. When I can make sure that I'm not projecting something with it.

Because, let's be honest... I am going on a fairly self-directed quest here! And I'll likely end up in a place that isn't perfectly in line with any existing institution. I may, no lie, have to literally create an institution at some point if I want to be in one - a prospect that fills me with cautious interest and also significant dread. (So much work... so complicated... so very, very likely to fail... sigh.)

I hope on this quest, I can manage to walk the line - that I can avoid worshipping myself, which I strongly believe is unethical, and instead make my own way in a strange time onto a spiritual path that can lead me to universal concepts of truth and beauty. And strength.

Humility is a big part of that - never allowing myself to believe that I have the only truth, that I am better or more "enlightened" than others.

Then again - the conundrum. If all truths are the same, why seek truth? What am I looking for here?

Perhaps what I need to think about is more the angle of focus. What direction does my worship flow in? Towards me, towards my desires? Or outward - towards something Other? Or both?

I may as well be honest. I have started this quest for mostly selfish reasons. I want to be strong in hard times, which are likely to get progressively worse. I want to get to a place where I am happy - externally and internally. I want to bring my family, my husband and child/ren, with me - I don't want to flee from them in my misery - I don't believe I will be truly happy in this life, this world, without them. I want to be able to access community, which at least in my culture of European-descended white people, is only possible with SOME expression of genuine spirituality.

I don't want to be so alone.

I won't survive, if I remain this alone.

And I know I am doing well, compared to so many... with a loving husband, a healthy child, a supportive (mostly) family with some wealth... and yet. Every time I think about my lack of community, I feel death itself stalking my bones.

I don't fear cancer, accidents, getting eaten by wild animals - no, nothing as much as this, this being so very **alone**. And... the starvation--alongside my family--which I honestly believe will be the logical outcome, in about 10 or so years, of this community-less loneliness. Who will help me find food when the supply chains fail, if I don't have these connections? Who will help my child/ren find food? And of the relatively few, from a historical perspective, people who I do have around me - why do none of them realize we need to prepare??

But enough of that for now...

Alongside the above, I also feel a deep urge to become an adult who can be relied on. Who can guide, protect, support. Who can be an asset, a bulwark, in a hard time. To both my family, and to others in my community. I don't just want to be saved. I want to be useful.

(On that note, I looked up my astrological moon and rising sign, and the profile was... uncanny. An interesting data point to note from what I would have assumed, once upon a time, was the smelliest bullshit of all the New Age crap.)

I don't know if that feeling - that feeling that I want to be useful, not just saved - that I want to participate meaningfully in my own salvation - is enough to keep me from self-worship. But hopefully its a start.

This is probably something I'll revisit more than once.

Fourth, I hate wellness culture just as much as Burton does. I mean, I am unnerved by the alt-right too, but wellness culture is just The Worst.

Fifth, I recognized more than a few of the terms used in the chapter about the New Age religions that count themselves as opposition to Trump... and I winced. I thought "I don't want to be part of that!" So, separating out what is spiritually unhelpful from what is the right path to walk on this journey is going to be a challenge, I can already tell.

Then again, I suspect properly faithful (or who want to be) right-leaning Christians are in the exact same type of morass, but they aren't as easily able to recognize it.

To conclude: This book was interesting to read, and provoked a bit of deep thought about my own current quest.

And now... to try and get everyone else I know to read it, too. Good times!