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Let's start with an acknowledgment that I simply don't have the ability to keep up with this daily journal the same way I used to any more. We've taken the opportunity to switch from wi-fi to ethernet along with our move, and so my laptop is now an $800 piece of junk (doesn't have an ethernet portal - crapification ahoy!). I'm writing on a very old laptop computer my brother put together from pieces as a hobby. It works fine, but it doesn't sit on a lap too well. And... I now stare at 2 screens for 8 hours a day again. I'd like to replace my evening internet screen time with paper, frankly.
So I will be switching the daily div to a paper journal, and probably will find that a great boon to my health and happiness :)
I won't abandon the blog all together though - I have a lot of Druid stuff to complete and I would like this to continue to be my permanent record of each completion. (Finally started a book on local flowers, yay!) But I will limit posting to weekends from here on out.
Having said that, I haven't yet gotten to Goodwill to pick up a notebook... so let's report, one last time, on the last few days of divination here.
Wednesday--
Me: I ended up with a sudden rush of energy (probably from the catharsis) and tried a lot of different things - simplifying the SOP down into a simple prayer, and trying to take my kid to the park after daycare, so that he could get some nature time. First one worked, second one didn't. My husband decided that he would keep taking walks around the daycare neighborhood with him instead.
Situation: I decided that if there was time this weekend or next, I would take my son with me and visit our old home one last time to say a proper goodbye to the trees and the garden, during the period when my father is at work. It would be easier not to take him - and easier still not to go - but I think we both need something to mark a proper ending of a period of our life. Fingers crossed we can get that done soon.
Outcome: I realized the situation I wrote about at the top of the page. Discussions... debates... halted! I'm sad about losing some of the community aspect of this place, but accept that it's for the best. All social-media-like things need to begone! from my life, and be replaced with as many human connections as I can scrounge up. I'm looking forward to the quiet... the blissful, healing quiet.
Thursday--
Me: King of Hearts - Let's just say that I had a day, er, oriented to my husband.
Situation: 9 of Hearts REVERSED - I did exactly the right amount of work on this day (as compared to the previous day).
Outcome: The Tower REVERSED - I'd been planning to take my husband to a local theme park for his birthday, but the tickets for the weekend sold out within 24 hours :( We were both sad, as we'd really been looking forward to it, but we figured that we could go to a nice local restaurant (Mcmenamins complex, so that the kid could run around and have fun too) instead.
Friday--
Me: Jack of Hearts - boy howdy did hidden feelings ever come to the surface :/ I had a pretty serious talk with my husband about how much mental energy he was spending on his art hobby, which... there's a lot there. He sees it as his identity, and fears that if he doesn't continually practice it he will "lose what he has", which leads to stress, which leads to anxiety, and so forth. He's been banging on about seeing a counselor about it, which I think is a good idea, but trying to get our address changed and signing up for benefits has just been one more damn thing on top of the pile of things for me lately. I asked him, for my part, though I would get the benefits in order ASAP (for a lot of reasons) I'd really like it if he could please take more charge of this personally and show less of it to me. I told him my feelings that we have a lot fewer safety nets that we used to, I'm 2 months pregnant and (hopefully) not going to get any less pregnant, I'm working full time now to pay for rent and benefits, and if I have so much as a pregnancy complication we are going to be in some trouble. We had a nice long conversation about a lot thin we've both been going through recently that ended well, with him agreeing to step up and help me with finances, which was something I'd been doing all by myself (just one more damned thing). In turn, I promised that his art stuff wouldn't become an issue again, so long as I didn't continue to feel like the one worried about all the "adult" issues while he worried about "child's play" (not really the situation, but it had sometimes occurred to me). He does a ton of work for our family too, of course, but the art issue has come up enough times that it had to be settled.
Situation: 5 of Hearts - learning from mistakes, I believe this card is. I'm slowly coming to terms with my mistake about the best role of family in my life. It'll take some time, but it came up in our talk too. I'm moving forward.
Outcome: 3 of Clubs - I believe I had a relatively successful week at work that I can build on. Also, the conversation with my husband went well, and I believe that we'll be build the next phase of our marriage upon it as well.
Saturday--
Me: Queen of Clubs - me, being creative, with my little one :)
Situation: The Empress - pregnancy, fertility, food/nature
Outcome: 10 of Diamonds - family, security over risk
The rest of today looks like a home-and-family-focused day - I'm planning to get pots for my balcony plants and buy and cook a lot of food for a friend coming over later. What a lovely divination :)
This isn't the end of divination - just a transition. But, this practice has helped me get through some pretty difficult times in my life just since starting it last spring. I'm really grateful for what I've been given. And I'll post again about Druidry stuff next weekend! :)
So I will be switching the daily div to a paper journal, and probably will find that a great boon to my health and happiness :)
I won't abandon the blog all together though - I have a lot of Druid stuff to complete and I would like this to continue to be my permanent record of each completion. (Finally started a book on local flowers, yay!) But I will limit posting to weekends from here on out.
Having said that, I haven't yet gotten to Goodwill to pick up a notebook... so let's report, one last time, on the last few days of divination here.
Wednesday--
Me: I ended up with a sudden rush of energy (probably from the catharsis) and tried a lot of different things - simplifying the SOP down into a simple prayer, and trying to take my kid to the park after daycare, so that he could get some nature time. First one worked, second one didn't. My husband decided that he would keep taking walks around the daycare neighborhood with him instead.
Situation: I decided that if there was time this weekend or next, I would take my son with me and visit our old home one last time to say a proper goodbye to the trees and the garden, during the period when my father is at work. It would be easier not to take him - and easier still not to go - but I think we both need something to mark a proper ending of a period of our life. Fingers crossed we can get that done soon.
Outcome: I realized the situation I wrote about at the top of the page. Discussions... debates... halted! I'm sad about losing some of the community aspect of this place, but accept that it's for the best. All social-media-like things need to begone! from my life, and be replaced with as many human connections as I can scrounge up. I'm looking forward to the quiet... the blissful, healing quiet.
Thursday--
Me: King of Hearts - Let's just say that I had a day, er, oriented to my husband.
Situation: 9 of Hearts REVERSED - I did exactly the right amount of work on this day (as compared to the previous day).
Outcome: The Tower REVERSED - I'd been planning to take my husband to a local theme park for his birthday, but the tickets for the weekend sold out within 24 hours :( We were both sad, as we'd really been looking forward to it, but we figured that we could go to a nice local restaurant (Mcmenamins complex, so that the kid could run around and have fun too) instead.
Friday--
Me: Jack of Hearts - boy howdy did hidden feelings ever come to the surface :/ I had a pretty serious talk with my husband about how much mental energy he was spending on his art hobby, which... there's a lot there. He sees it as his identity, and fears that if he doesn't continually practice it he will "lose what he has", which leads to stress, which leads to anxiety, and so forth. He's been banging on about seeing a counselor about it, which I think is a good idea, but trying to get our address changed and signing up for benefits has just been one more damn thing on top of the pile of things for me lately. I asked him, for my part, though I would get the benefits in order ASAP (for a lot of reasons) I'd really like it if he could please take more charge of this personally and show less of it to me. I told him my feelings that we have a lot fewer safety nets that we used to, I'm 2 months pregnant and (hopefully) not going to get any less pregnant, I'm working full time now to pay for rent and benefits, and if I have so much as a pregnancy complication we are going to be in some trouble. We had a nice long conversation about a lot thin we've both been going through recently that ended well, with him agreeing to step up and help me with finances, which was something I'd been doing all by myself (just one more damned thing). In turn, I promised that his art stuff wouldn't become an issue again, so long as I didn't continue to feel like the one worried about all the "adult" issues while he worried about "child's play" (not really the situation, but it had sometimes occurred to me). He does a ton of work for our family too, of course, but the art issue has come up enough times that it had to be settled.
Situation: 5 of Hearts - learning from mistakes, I believe this card is. I'm slowly coming to terms with my mistake about the best role of family in my life. It'll take some time, but it came up in our talk too. I'm moving forward.
Outcome: 3 of Clubs - I believe I had a relatively successful week at work that I can build on. Also, the conversation with my husband went well, and I believe that we'll be build the next phase of our marriage upon it as well.
Saturday--
Me: Queen of Clubs - me, being creative, with my little one :)
Situation: The Empress - pregnancy, fertility, food/nature
Outcome: 10 of Diamonds - family, security over risk
The rest of today looks like a home-and-family-focused day - I'm planning to get pots for my balcony plants and buy and cook a lot of food for a friend coming over later. What a lovely divination :)
This isn't the end of divination - just a transition. But, this practice has helped me get through some pretty difficult times in my life just since starting it last spring. I'm really grateful for what I've been given. And I'll post again about Druidry stuff next weekend! :)