Daily div.
18 July 2021 22:29![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sh1njuk1 Back home after a long drive, I'll try to have this be short.
My divinations sometimes hit accurate enough, I get concerned that I might have a future career in this stuff. Gods keep me from that...
I already knew that the Me card was me moving forward on my life path of spending vastly less money - we continued along that for most of the day, only spending money on one single meal out during this entire family trip. That might sound like we're still splurging (and fair enough) but compared to the way we used to be?? This is practically putting on a habit and joining a convent!
But of course, the Situation card - The Devil - was the one that I ran into the buzzsaw with today. Let me just state the following first: I HATE THE DEVIL CARD. OK, back to the report.
My mother-in-law hit me on my way out the door with literally every single last talking point/conversational manipulation about why I really should consider getting the mRNA vaccine as soon as possible. Let's see if I can even remember them all:
Anyway, I pirouetted through that conversation, tried to acknowledge her feelings as much as I could, and told her the truth - which is that I'm keeping an eye on the numbers, running a risk/reward analysis, and if I judge that the situation has become one where I have a real chance of dying of COVID, I will get the vaccine. She did accept that and I got out the door, but holy shit. People are crazy right now.
And later on, after I wrestled through a lot of feelings about "How DARE you think you have the right to tell me what to do!" which, I don't usually get all Scots-Irish on people, it's gauche--but that one poked me right in the Scots-Irish, lemme tell ya--I also recognized that my mother-in-law is doing what I think a huge percent of upper middle class blue-voting Americans are doing right now... which is subsuming all other anxieties into COVID hysteria, as that is The Only Acceptable Fear. Even she and my father-in-law can tell that the supply chains are staggering, inflation has found its way into their favorite restaurants, and if it does turn out that these vaccines are a slow-moving public health tragedy, what would that say about her entire career giving vaccinations, not to mention the hundreds of vaccines she's personally delivered over the past 6 months to trusting people in her community?? I honestly don't know if her psyche could handle it. I pray this wraps up in a year or so with me laughing about how nervous I was over nothing, and getting the vaccine while holding the baby in my other arm. (For full ideal scenario... let the vaccine be Novavax. Amen.)
Anyway. I'm TIRED right now. Sheesh.
I'm comfortably at home and Mike and I are about to spend some time together, which we've painstakingly laid the groundwork for over months now, so I can see how the final card is working out, too. Let's divinate!
Me: 5 of Hearts - Moving Forward, Learning from Past Mistakes
Situation: 8 of Diamonds - Comfort Achieved through Work and Persistence
Outcome: Queen of Diamonds - A bond between the internal and external, mastery not control of Nature
Interesting... I thoroughly mixed those cards back into the stack this morning... hmm. At least THE DEVIL isn't among them anymore. I suppose I will continue to pivot into my new lifestyle, that I will have a productive and good day, and that I will feel like the mistress of the household by evening. That would be a great outcome! We will see :)
My divinations sometimes hit accurate enough, I get concerned that I might have a future career in this stuff. Gods keep me from that...
I already knew that the Me card was me moving forward on my life path of spending vastly less money - we continued along that for most of the day, only spending money on one single meal out during this entire family trip. That might sound like we're still splurging (and fair enough) but compared to the way we used to be?? This is practically putting on a habit and joining a convent!
But of course, the Situation card - The Devil - was the one that I ran into the buzzsaw with today. Let me just state the following first: I HATE THE DEVIL CARD. OK, back to the report.
My mother-in-law hit me on my way out the door with literally every single last talking point/conversational manipulation about why I really should consider getting the mRNA vaccine as soon as possible. Let's see if I can even remember them all:
- She has an acquaintance who has worked on mRNA treatments for cancer for 30 years, so see, the vaccines aren't new technology! (Cancer treatments aren't vaccinations for respiratory/vascular diseases, but, was there time to mention this? There was not.)
- Suggesting I be friends with a daughter of a friend who is a PhD and works at OHSU, the big hospital near me (trying to improve/purify my peer group)
- Insinuating that no matter what job I apply to, they'll make me wear the mask and sit in a corner, FOREVER (emphasizing how inconvenient my choice is going to be)
- Informing me that any obstetrician I work with is probably going to make a huge fuss about me getting vaccinated (she's probably right about this, which is going to be FUN TIMES whoo boy)
- Telling her brother before asking me about it that I will be attending his party next month with a mask on, (which, I'm fine with disclosure but I would have preferred the option to NOT go at all rather than attend as the only masked person there, and in fact I 100% do not intend to attend, I am quite sure of THAT ffs)
- Telling me that the delta variant is killing young people! Killing them right now!! (mmmaybe? I know it spreads well, but I think we're not going to be able to pin the death rate down until the end of summer, roughly)
- And as a pregnant woman, I have a sixfold-higher chance of dying from COVID complications!!! (probably true, but what's the baseline?)
- Bursting into tears over the possibility of me and the baby dying and leaving my husband a widow and my son an orphan that they would have to raise themselves (sigh)
Anyway, I pirouetted through that conversation, tried to acknowledge her feelings as much as I could, and told her the truth - which is that I'm keeping an eye on the numbers, running a risk/reward analysis, and if I judge that the situation has become one where I have a real chance of dying of COVID, I will get the vaccine. She did accept that and I got out the door, but holy shit. People are crazy right now.
And later on, after I wrestled through a lot of feelings about "How DARE you think you have the right to tell me what to do!" which, I don't usually get all Scots-Irish on people, it's gauche--but that one poked me right in the Scots-Irish, lemme tell ya--I also recognized that my mother-in-law is doing what I think a huge percent of upper middle class blue-voting Americans are doing right now... which is subsuming all other anxieties into COVID hysteria, as that is The Only Acceptable Fear. Even she and my father-in-law can tell that the supply chains are staggering, inflation has found its way into their favorite restaurants, and if it does turn out that these vaccines are a slow-moving public health tragedy, what would that say about her entire career giving vaccinations, not to mention the hundreds of vaccines she's personally delivered over the past 6 months to trusting people in her community?? I honestly don't know if her psyche could handle it. I pray this wraps up in a year or so with me laughing about how nervous I was over nothing, and getting the vaccine while holding the baby in my other arm. (For full ideal scenario... let the vaccine be Novavax. Amen.)
Anyway. I'm TIRED right now. Sheesh.
I'm comfortably at home and Mike and I are about to spend some time together, which we've painstakingly laid the groundwork for over months now, so I can see how the final card is working out, too. Let's divinate!
Me: 5 of Hearts - Moving Forward, Learning from Past Mistakes
Situation: 8 of Diamonds - Comfort Achieved through Work and Persistence
Outcome: Queen of Diamonds - A bond between the internal and external, mastery not control of Nature
Interesting... I thoroughly mixed those cards back into the stack this morning... hmm. At least THE DEVIL isn't among them anymore. I suppose I will continue to pivot into my new lifestyle, that I will have a productive and good day, and that I will feel like the mistress of the household by evening. That would be a great outcome! We will see :)