Daily div.
27 July 2021 21:07![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sh1njuk1 Sigh... I almost forgot to eat dinner tonight. Remedying now. Husband bringing me food too, I won the jackpot.
Me: I plugged away and got "everything done that scared me", as I told my husband. Also, I did some pretty intense spiritual thinking. It wasn't my "best self" per se (I got pretty cranky with my toddler at bedtime when he wouldn't stop kicking me!), but I did OK. I'll take it.
Situation: "Excess" - yes, that was right. I didn't even GET to the plums. I spent the AM going back and forth politely but firmly with the HR person about just sending out the damn reference surveys, and not harassing anyone who hadn't personally replied to me saying they were OK with receiving them. They're sent! Probably that's the end of it. Oh, and I had to go to the Fed-Ex and literally print out two pieces of paper, sign them, and email them. SO MUCH FOR TECHNOLOGY. I took a 2 hour walk in the middle of the day because I haven't been getting enough exercise, and I'm trying to be nicer to my body, you know? Then I finally sent out the capstone email for last weekend's meeting, and then followed up with the Druid priest. I don't know whether I ever want to receive replies to either of those last two emails, but for my own integrity, I had to send them. I was so exhausted at one point that I started trembling. And I forgot to eat dinner! ^^; Lemme tell ya, during the SOP (last thing tonight), my body was QUITE annoyed with me...
Outcome: I kicked off any number of plans today. First, I finally got over the hump (I think) on the final piece that caused me any concern whatsoever about getting this job. Everything else should be boilerplate. Should. Just knocked on wood. I might also have continued the Ecosophia meetup in my region beyond a flash in the pan. I might also have set up another Druid initiation in October. I think that's it. Or maybe I'm just really tired.
Let's divinate and go to bed.
Me: Jack of Spades - Caution, Potential
Situation: 3 of Diamonds - Craftsmanship, Successful Collaboration, Admiration
Outcome: 2 of Clubs - Debate, A Passionate Conversation
Oog... should I even be surprised any more when the cards directly reference my plans? Easy potential narrative tomorrow: I am cautious about my plans for both plum delivery and talking to my old friend Ericka, she of the ultimate science bent, but there's enough possibility for good to be done out of both of them that I will go forward. Successful collaboration will happen as I manage to deliver some plums to people (or set them out to be picked up). And... at 8:30 PM in the evening, Ericka and I will have a "Debate, Passionate Conversation." Fun!
For what it's worth - not to get too far into 'writing is my only therapy' territory - last year, I considered Ericka my very best friend I'd ever had. We talked for hours at least once a week, and she had promised to edit my first finished short story. Then... she responded coolly when I called her in a burst of emotion (rare for me) my best friend, and I was a little bit hurt but accepted it wasn't mutual and never brought it up again. Next, she failed to even respond when I sent her my first ever finished rough draft (of a personal project not for school), after no fewer than 100 hours of work with that goal in mind. This was a real betrayal, and I struggled with it on many dark nights, but I finally choked down my anger and got another editor for the rewrite (one major one completed; the project still in limbo, however). Finally, I texted her to ask if she wanted a call three times in a row last March, and she did not respond to a single one. I actually got a divination done by another Dreamwidth user to see whether I should reach out again - I was told I should not. So I let it go. And as I realized that I might become some variety of "vaccine refuser", I became grateful that we'd ended our regular contact.
Now that I've been gone long enough to be missed... it seems she wants to talk again. Well! I know enough about how she treats her men (she is very, very single in her mid-40s) to see a bit of what's going on here. At the same time, she is smart (in a particular sort of way - I know her well enough to see her glaring blind spots, though no doubt she thinks the same in the other direction) and fun to talk to. I'd like to catch up on how her family is doing. I'm honestly not sure whether we will ever see each other again, or if this might be our last-ever conversation. I'll be the Jack - cautious, with cards held close to my chest - but holding the door open for some sort of potential. We don't need to be best friends... I recognized upon much thought that it would be too painful to her to have such a close relationship with me, for a lot of personal baggage reasons. But it would be nice to keep her as a sometimes-friend, when the weather is sunny.
It's possible I won't be able to make a divination post on time tomorrow, given the scheduling. We'll see.
Me: I plugged away and got "everything done that scared me", as I told my husband. Also, I did some pretty intense spiritual thinking. It wasn't my "best self" per se (I got pretty cranky with my toddler at bedtime when he wouldn't stop kicking me!), but I did OK. I'll take it.
Situation: "Excess" - yes, that was right. I didn't even GET to the plums. I spent the AM going back and forth politely but firmly with the HR person about just sending out the damn reference surveys, and not harassing anyone who hadn't personally replied to me saying they were OK with receiving them. They're sent! Probably that's the end of it. Oh, and I had to go to the Fed-Ex and literally print out two pieces of paper, sign them, and email them. SO MUCH FOR TECHNOLOGY. I took a 2 hour walk in the middle of the day because I haven't been getting enough exercise, and I'm trying to be nicer to my body, you know? Then I finally sent out the capstone email for last weekend's meeting, and then followed up with the Druid priest. I don't know whether I ever want to receive replies to either of those last two emails, but for my own integrity, I had to send them. I was so exhausted at one point that I started trembling. And I forgot to eat dinner! ^^; Lemme tell ya, during the SOP (last thing tonight), my body was QUITE annoyed with me...
Outcome: I kicked off any number of plans today. First, I finally got over the hump (I think) on the final piece that caused me any concern whatsoever about getting this job. Everything else should be boilerplate. Should. Just knocked on wood. I might also have continued the Ecosophia meetup in my region beyond a flash in the pan. I might also have set up another Druid initiation in October. I think that's it. Or maybe I'm just really tired.
Let's divinate and go to bed.
Me: Jack of Spades - Caution, Potential
Situation: 3 of Diamonds - Craftsmanship, Successful Collaboration, Admiration
Outcome: 2 of Clubs - Debate, A Passionate Conversation
Oog... should I even be surprised any more when the cards directly reference my plans? Easy potential narrative tomorrow: I am cautious about my plans for both plum delivery and talking to my old friend Ericka, she of the ultimate science bent, but there's enough possibility for good to be done out of both of them that I will go forward. Successful collaboration will happen as I manage to deliver some plums to people (or set them out to be picked up). And... at 8:30 PM in the evening, Ericka and I will have a "Debate, Passionate Conversation." Fun!
For what it's worth - not to get too far into 'writing is my only therapy' territory - last year, I considered Ericka my very best friend I'd ever had. We talked for hours at least once a week, and she had promised to edit my first finished short story. Then... she responded coolly when I called her in a burst of emotion (rare for me) my best friend, and I was a little bit hurt but accepted it wasn't mutual and never brought it up again. Next, she failed to even respond when I sent her my first ever finished rough draft (of a personal project not for school), after no fewer than 100 hours of work with that goal in mind. This was a real betrayal, and I struggled with it on many dark nights, but I finally choked down my anger and got another editor for the rewrite (one major one completed; the project still in limbo, however). Finally, I texted her to ask if she wanted a call three times in a row last March, and she did not respond to a single one. I actually got a divination done by another Dreamwidth user to see whether I should reach out again - I was told I should not. So I let it go. And as I realized that I might become some variety of "vaccine refuser", I became grateful that we'd ended our regular contact.
Now that I've been gone long enough to be missed... it seems she wants to talk again. Well! I know enough about how she treats her men (she is very, very single in her mid-40s) to see a bit of what's going on here. At the same time, she is smart (in a particular sort of way - I know her well enough to see her glaring blind spots, though no doubt she thinks the same in the other direction) and fun to talk to. I'd like to catch up on how her family is doing. I'm honestly not sure whether we will ever see each other again, or if this might be our last-ever conversation. I'll be the Jack - cautious, with cards held close to my chest - but holding the door open for some sort of potential. We don't need to be best friends... I recognized upon much thought that it would be too painful to her to have such a close relationship with me, for a lot of personal baggage reasons. But it would be nice to keep her as a sometimes-friend, when the weather is sunny.
It's possible I won't be able to make a divination post on time tomorrow, given the scheduling. We'll see.