Daily div.
29 July 2021 09:13![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sh1njuk1 Catching up, as I was up past midnight last night talking to a friend and then doing an SOP very late.
Me card: Oh, I was the Jack of Spades in every way yesterday. No doubt. I stepped very... very... carefully.
Situation: I was surprised and touched by how both my husband and father jumped in to help me gather and deliver plums yesterday! :) So far, two very happy "customers" have resulted. I will be taking a spiritual break after this post by going outside and picking more - I've got two more deliveries lined up!
Outcome: Well, there were two "conversations" last night.
First, my mother-in-law announced - through my poor husband - that she would not permit an unvaccinated person to live in her house. So this is a retraction of the promise that she would help us with the baby when it is born. I... am not really surprised. And I don't think it is outside her rights - in fact, I'm kind of proud of her for setting boundaries! The last "kids" she had living in her house absolutely trashed it, in a frankly unforgivable way. Per her view I suppose I would be doing the same.
And... you know what, in a lot of ways, it's a relief. I truly, utterly hate my mother-in-law's house. It's in a wretched location, unwalkable and close to nothing. It always had a serious amount of bad juju, even when I lived there years ago. And now that she's tried to get rid of it with a comprehensive remodel... it's actually worse!! She went full HGTV, knocked down all the walls, and now all the fancy new appliances ALREADY have things that don't work on them (it hasn't even been a year!) and you can hear every sound made from every room. There's no privacy - it's a hellish hall of sound mirrors. And of course... she has an Alexa. Right in the middle of the open floor plan, in absolute pride of place.
I'll just confess here that, despite my mother-in-law's official status as a Wiccan priestess, that I often wonder if she does any spiritual practice at all. Her lifestyle does not reflect the influence, let's just say. This relieving drawing-of-boundaries allows me to admit, that her house - and her life - is demon-haunted. Thank the gods my baby will not have to spend its most vulnerable years in there! I guess she invited them in at some point, and just can't bear to see them go. Maybe she would become too alone...? Her husband has started to spend every weekday, Monday-Friday, out working on their friend's property in the countryside, and not returning to the home at night (too far to drive, of course). That, to me, suggests everything about what condition that house has descended to.
I will try to write that email today, if I can. I need to get my poor husband out from between the two of us. He has thrown in with me, so to speak, and bless him for it - but his mother continuing to pass messages through him is unacceptable, and frankly unbecoming of an adult.
And then, I chatted with Ericka.
First, a cheerful note: my "I do not disclose my status" policy worked GREAT with Ericka. She just assumed I was vaccinated and continued on to talk about what she wanted to talk about. That's a good sign for future social contacts!
Then, well, there's the rest of it. Ericka has completely rearranged her life around the current mainstream narrative, and is the abject servant of fear. She works entirely from home, wears a mask outdoors everywhere, is in high dudgeon about people going to parties and eating at restaurants, is dumping friends when she sees them on Facebook in pictures without masks, has gone completely xenophobic (by her own admission!) over European tourists visiting without masks, and is even frightened, yes frightened, of children! She told me, in her way of joking yet not really joking, "When are they going to make the vaccines work for 5-year-olds already? So they can stop threatening me!"
I said again and again to her, "Do whatever you feel you must, these are frightening times." And... I meant that. But I sit and think back on our conversation now with a lingering sadness. That's the main feeling I have about COVID everything right now - sadness. Deep and abiding sadness.
This isn't so much of a disappointment as an "ah, of course" but when Ericka reached out to me by text to chat, I'd wondered if she wanted to genuinely check in with me and revive our friendship. That was not the case. She just wanted to rant and rave about the unvaccinated and hear an echo chamber about how everything she had chosen to do this last year was Good and Right and Better and how her fear was the only thing keeping her safe.
At one point in the conversation she told me she was convinced she had already had COVID back in April 2020, and despite the fact that it caused her no serious health problems at the time, and she admitted that scientifically she has a good chance of having even less of a reaction should she catch it again, her main emotional reaction while telling me this was RAGE at all the people in her local Target who were still unmasked - this was back before mask mandates!! - who had GIVEN her the disease. Of course she is also vaccinated. Ericka could not possibly be safer from COVID-19 and its variants, not in any universe which operates on the laws of physics. And it has driven her absolutely, positively insane.
Obviously under these conditions there is nothing remaining that can be called a "friendship". I am relieved, now, that she betrayed me so utterly as an editor. It allowed me to work through the end of our friendship, and my emotions associated with it, long before it actually came. A harsh blessing - but many blessings are harsh.
There was no time, obviously, to discuss my spiritual development in edgewise. But this opens up a possibility to how I can "end" this.
I'm going to write her an email (which is faster) and let her know that from here on out, I do not want to discuss national politics in any way whatsoever. I can't affect them as an individual, and it really just feels like talking about the boulder rolling rapidly down the chute towards us while we're all strapped to a board. I will tell her that I converted to Druidry, and that my focus in life right now is on spirituality and making my family more resilient. And that if she wants to talk about that, she's welcome to reach out anytime. But if she's not interested, I'll never bug her any further.
I think that will be the last communication between us.
I like that, because it is both me drawing my boundaries with a bright line, and also being utterly respectful of her. She's going through one hell of a chunk of karma. A lifetime of cowardice and keeping people at arm's length, rewarded with isolation in a prison of pure fear. Gods bless her, and help her somehow through the suffering she has chosen. But I must affix my own oxygen mask. So... onward.
After all that... I could use a divination. These times be crazy yo.
Me: Ace of Hearts REVERSED - no emotional/spiritual/creative flow
Situation: 6 of Diamonds REVERSED - no community actions, or harmony, or cooperation
Outcome: Ace of Clubs (Strength) - Courage
Well, this is... clear enough of a reading. I can tell that I am holding my emotions strictly in check, that's the way it has to be right now. I won't be cooperating with others nor they with me (in fact I think it will be the opposite). But the outcome will be courage and strength. So be it, amen.
Me card: Oh, I was the Jack of Spades in every way yesterday. No doubt. I stepped very... very... carefully.
Situation: I was surprised and touched by how both my husband and father jumped in to help me gather and deliver plums yesterday! :) So far, two very happy "customers" have resulted. I will be taking a spiritual break after this post by going outside and picking more - I've got two more deliveries lined up!
Outcome: Well, there were two "conversations" last night.
First, my mother-in-law announced - through my poor husband - that she would not permit an unvaccinated person to live in her house. So this is a retraction of the promise that she would help us with the baby when it is born. I... am not really surprised. And I don't think it is outside her rights - in fact, I'm kind of proud of her for setting boundaries! The last "kids" she had living in her house absolutely trashed it, in a frankly unforgivable way. Per her view I suppose I would be doing the same.
And... you know what, in a lot of ways, it's a relief. I truly, utterly hate my mother-in-law's house. It's in a wretched location, unwalkable and close to nothing. It always had a serious amount of bad juju, even when I lived there years ago. And now that she's tried to get rid of it with a comprehensive remodel... it's actually worse!! She went full HGTV, knocked down all the walls, and now all the fancy new appliances ALREADY have things that don't work on them (it hasn't even been a year!) and you can hear every sound made from every room. There's no privacy - it's a hellish hall of sound mirrors. And of course... she has an Alexa. Right in the middle of the open floor plan, in absolute pride of place.
I'll just confess here that, despite my mother-in-law's official status as a Wiccan priestess, that I often wonder if she does any spiritual practice at all. Her lifestyle does not reflect the influence, let's just say. This relieving drawing-of-boundaries allows me to admit, that her house - and her life - is demon-haunted. Thank the gods my baby will not have to spend its most vulnerable years in there! I guess she invited them in at some point, and just can't bear to see them go. Maybe she would become too alone...? Her husband has started to spend every weekday, Monday-Friday, out working on their friend's property in the countryside, and not returning to the home at night (too far to drive, of course). That, to me, suggests everything about what condition that house has descended to.
I will try to write that email today, if I can. I need to get my poor husband out from between the two of us. He has thrown in with me, so to speak, and bless him for it - but his mother continuing to pass messages through him is unacceptable, and frankly unbecoming of an adult.
And then, I chatted with Ericka.
First, a cheerful note: my "I do not disclose my status" policy worked GREAT with Ericka. She just assumed I was vaccinated and continued on to talk about what she wanted to talk about. That's a good sign for future social contacts!
Then, well, there's the rest of it. Ericka has completely rearranged her life around the current mainstream narrative, and is the abject servant of fear. She works entirely from home, wears a mask outdoors everywhere, is in high dudgeon about people going to parties and eating at restaurants, is dumping friends when she sees them on Facebook in pictures without masks, has gone completely xenophobic (by her own admission!) over European tourists visiting without masks, and is even frightened, yes frightened, of children! She told me, in her way of joking yet not really joking, "When are they going to make the vaccines work for 5-year-olds already? So they can stop threatening me!"
I said again and again to her, "Do whatever you feel you must, these are frightening times." And... I meant that. But I sit and think back on our conversation now with a lingering sadness. That's the main feeling I have about COVID everything right now - sadness. Deep and abiding sadness.
This isn't so much of a disappointment as an "ah, of course" but when Ericka reached out to me by text to chat, I'd wondered if she wanted to genuinely check in with me and revive our friendship. That was not the case. She just wanted to rant and rave about the unvaccinated and hear an echo chamber about how everything she had chosen to do this last year was Good and Right and Better and how her fear was the only thing keeping her safe.
At one point in the conversation she told me she was convinced she had already had COVID back in April 2020, and despite the fact that it caused her no serious health problems at the time, and she admitted that scientifically she has a good chance of having even less of a reaction should she catch it again, her main emotional reaction while telling me this was RAGE at all the people in her local Target who were still unmasked - this was back before mask mandates!! - who had GIVEN her the disease. Of course she is also vaccinated. Ericka could not possibly be safer from COVID-19 and its variants, not in any universe which operates on the laws of physics. And it has driven her absolutely, positively insane.
Obviously under these conditions there is nothing remaining that can be called a "friendship". I am relieved, now, that she betrayed me so utterly as an editor. It allowed me to work through the end of our friendship, and my emotions associated with it, long before it actually came. A harsh blessing - but many blessings are harsh.
There was no time, obviously, to discuss my spiritual development in edgewise. But this opens up a possibility to how I can "end" this.
I'm going to write her an email (which is faster) and let her know that from here on out, I do not want to discuss national politics in any way whatsoever. I can't affect them as an individual, and it really just feels like talking about the boulder rolling rapidly down the chute towards us while we're all strapped to a board. I will tell her that I converted to Druidry, and that my focus in life right now is on spirituality and making my family more resilient. And that if she wants to talk about that, she's welcome to reach out anytime. But if she's not interested, I'll never bug her any further.
I think that will be the last communication between us.
I like that, because it is both me drawing my boundaries with a bright line, and also being utterly respectful of her. She's going through one hell of a chunk of karma. A lifetime of cowardice and keeping people at arm's length, rewarded with isolation in a prison of pure fear. Gods bless her, and help her somehow through the suffering she has chosen. But I must affix my own oxygen mask. So... onward.
After all that... I could use a divination. These times be crazy yo.
Me: Ace of Hearts REVERSED - no emotional/spiritual/creative flow
Situation: 6 of Diamonds REVERSED - no community actions, or harmony, or cooperation
Outcome: Ace of Clubs (Strength) - Courage
Well, this is... clear enough of a reading. I can tell that I am holding my emotions strictly in check, that's the way it has to be right now. I won't be cooperating with others nor they with me (in fact I think it will be the opposite). But the outcome will be courage and strength. So be it, amen.