Daily div.
5 August 2021 17:48![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sh1njuk1 Might be a bit of a journal post today, we'll see...
Me: I did have freedom today - the freedom to go and get exactly what I wanted to eat, as I worked hard to keep staving off this whatever-it-is. I also freely allowed myself to take a nap in the middle of the day, about 2 hours. It seems to have worked, at least for now... but I also am recognizing this funk is about more than germs in my lymph nodes.
Situation: Good things happened today... but in kind of crappy ways? We replaced all our tires on the car and found out the rear brake pads needed attention as well - that means our car is much safer to drive, but it did double our expected costs. (We can afford it easily, it was just a bit of an ugh.) I smacked (not literally!) my husband out of what he recognized retroactively was a panic attack, over art of all things. He was in a spiral where he was trying not to burn out on it, but all the worrying about burning out was... burning him out. I put my foot down and told him that there would be NO discussion about art, none PERIOD, for at least two weeks, and that I would enforce that! I think this will be really good for both him and me, and so does he (if we never ever talk again about art it will be too soon, there's some steaming honesty with how I feel about this stupid topic) but it had to hit a pitch of unpleasantness first. Most likely the true root of this is stress overflow from the intra-family battle royale that had been going on, breaking through now that peace has been successfully brokered. He'd been considering joining a climbing gym - I told him to DO IT NOW, because more exercise can only help an anxious mood! So he'll be going tonight, hooray :) Also, the few friends I keep up with on a Discord server were complaining about the suburbs in exactly the way I taught them all to (fuck the suburbs!). At long last, I've convinced them all! This stuff was my passion, no exaggeration, from roughly 2015-2020. Man... I wish it still mattered.
Outcome: I think reading JMG's post earlier today about the possibility of ADE breaking out this fall/winter among the vaccinated is, unfortunately, what this card represents for me today. As he also stated clearly, it is just a hypothesis; my feeling is that even if it does kick off, it wouldn't be as bad as the worst-case scenario... but boy, I wish I had more than "a feeling" to back that up. I think the real realization for me wasn't so much that this is possible - it's that if the elites think it might be possible, suddenly a whole bunch of recent weirdness makes far, far too much sense.
On that note... I'll allow myself to wallow for a moment in the sad end of the pool. I, my mother, and my dad's renter are the only people in my entire social circle over the age of 12 who have any chance of not being vaccinated as of this moment (everyone else has trumpeted their vaccinated status loud and clear). Even if we surmise a very conservative death rate from ADE over the next few years of 5%, that means 5 to 10 funerals of people I know or once knew well. Any higher of a rate than 5%? I'll be conducting at least one of them, probably under great duress :( And that isn't even going into the social, political or supply chain consequences...
Not a single one of the motherfuckers in charge of the country has ever read Nassim Taleb, I can see that much! The fat tail on this one should have been too horrible to risk, but the bastards went ahead and did it anyway, didn't they?!
And my mind, ever helpful, has of course reminded me that it is also possible that the non-sterilizing vaccine will simultaneously lead to the evolution of increasingly virulent variants of COVID, which would hit the unvaccinated harder than the rest. So... there could be piles of both vaccinated and unvaccinated corpses in our future, from slightly different yet not exclusionary causes. It's not like there's a choice on offer that guarantees one's personal safety from all this. Not to mention, either scenario carries with it a good possibility of turning our entire modern health infrastructure into a smoking crater. The folly of our leadership runs so deep and dark... it literally boggles my soul. The more power mankind wields... the greater the fallout from their mistakes becomes in turn.
And yet... and yet. Deep breaths. There is also a decent chance, out of all this, that COVID simply fades quietly away, and that all we're left with are the political consequences and the vaccine side effects. Not that those are any slouch - but, they are at least more comprehensible.
I watched a video, first time in a long time (I used to watch him every day in May 2020) by Chris Martenson last night, after my divination. He went into great detail on vaccine side effect reporting from the EU, and highlighted something fascinating that I'd had no idea about. Of course heart issues of all types were widely reported, but the highest single effect reported in the data was neurological and anxiety disorders. This seems to include everything from seizures to onset of severe anxiety. Anxiety, eh? I think back on some of the interactions I've been at the receiving end of over the last month and I have to wonder...
But to get back on topic, the card is... as should not surprise me anymore... excruciatingly correct. It feels like a truth may have been revealed... but has it? Fundamentally, I still don't know. The larger context in my supplementary tarot warns that the reversed High Priestess can represent secrets that seem to have been revealed, but may actually stay a mystery. "Someone is obsessing about finding out all the facts when that is in fact impossible." Guilty, ugh...
And thus, I have decided to avoid checking JMG's site for the next two days, to give my soul a little bit of a break, and some time to recover. If I find that this doesn't help, I may actually stop checking all the news sites - I only go to alternative ones, but even so, COVID is the topic du jour all over every corner of the Internet right now.
Because... frankly... if these scenarios are going to play out, one or the other, there's no longer anything that can be done to stop them. The vaccinations have been given. The variants are mutating. The economy won't survive another lock-down. I guess I could wear a mask? Ehhh... it would be far more practical to buy myself (and potentially the family) some elderberry syrup. And ivermectin. Time to dig up that site that routes generic meds through Vanuatu! Wheeee!
Gonna put my kid to bed soon... then, let's divinate for tomorrow. May it be an easier day. I'm thinking that ALL reversed cards, even if ostensibly good readings, can create a bumpy ride...
Me: 6 of Clubs (The Tower) REVERSED - problems, but I can handle them
Situation: 8 of Spades (Justice) - Reason, Fairness "getting what you deserve, for good or ill"
Outcome: 5 of Spades REVERSED - not able to win, hollow victory
Well! This feels like a terrible divination.
Interestingly, I usually get a "tell" very quickly with these cards, but for the first time I had to sort twice and reshuffle extensively before getting any extrasensory response at all, and it was very slight. I wonder if they didn't want to tell me? Or if I am just burned out... perhaps the spiritual exhaustion continues.
In any case, I will stick to my guns, and see if it doesn't bring about some healing tomorrow. It's possible that if I treat these cards as a warning, the outcome may not be as terrible. We'll see.
Me: I did have freedom today - the freedom to go and get exactly what I wanted to eat, as I worked hard to keep staving off this whatever-it-is. I also freely allowed myself to take a nap in the middle of the day, about 2 hours. It seems to have worked, at least for now... but I also am recognizing this funk is about more than germs in my lymph nodes.
Situation: Good things happened today... but in kind of crappy ways? We replaced all our tires on the car and found out the rear brake pads needed attention as well - that means our car is much safer to drive, but it did double our expected costs. (We can afford it easily, it was just a bit of an ugh.) I smacked (not literally!) my husband out of what he recognized retroactively was a panic attack, over art of all things. He was in a spiral where he was trying not to burn out on it, but all the worrying about burning out was... burning him out. I put my foot down and told him that there would be NO discussion about art, none PERIOD, for at least two weeks, and that I would enforce that! I think this will be really good for both him and me, and so does he (if we never ever talk again about art it will be too soon, there's some steaming honesty with how I feel about this stupid topic) but it had to hit a pitch of unpleasantness first. Most likely the true root of this is stress overflow from the intra-family battle royale that had been going on, breaking through now that peace has been successfully brokered. He'd been considering joining a climbing gym - I told him to DO IT NOW, because more exercise can only help an anxious mood! So he'll be going tonight, hooray :) Also, the few friends I keep up with on a Discord server were complaining about the suburbs in exactly the way I taught them all to (fuck the suburbs!). At long last, I've convinced them all! This stuff was my passion, no exaggeration, from roughly 2015-2020. Man... I wish it still mattered.
Outcome: I think reading JMG's post earlier today about the possibility of ADE breaking out this fall/winter among the vaccinated is, unfortunately, what this card represents for me today. As he also stated clearly, it is just a hypothesis; my feeling is that even if it does kick off, it wouldn't be as bad as the worst-case scenario... but boy, I wish I had more than "a feeling" to back that up. I think the real realization for me wasn't so much that this is possible - it's that if the elites think it might be possible, suddenly a whole bunch of recent weirdness makes far, far too much sense.
On that note... I'll allow myself to wallow for a moment in the sad end of the pool. I, my mother, and my dad's renter are the only people in my entire social circle over the age of 12 who have any chance of not being vaccinated as of this moment (everyone else has trumpeted their vaccinated status loud and clear). Even if we surmise a very conservative death rate from ADE over the next few years of 5%, that means 5 to 10 funerals of people I know or once knew well. Any higher of a rate than 5%? I'll be conducting at least one of them, probably under great duress :( And that isn't even going into the social, political or supply chain consequences...
Not a single one of the motherfuckers in charge of the country has ever read Nassim Taleb, I can see that much! The fat tail on this one should have been too horrible to risk, but the bastards went ahead and did it anyway, didn't they?!
And my mind, ever helpful, has of course reminded me that it is also possible that the non-sterilizing vaccine will simultaneously lead to the evolution of increasingly virulent variants of COVID, which would hit the unvaccinated harder than the rest. So... there could be piles of both vaccinated and unvaccinated corpses in our future, from slightly different yet not exclusionary causes. It's not like there's a choice on offer that guarantees one's personal safety from all this. Not to mention, either scenario carries with it a good possibility of turning our entire modern health infrastructure into a smoking crater. The folly of our leadership runs so deep and dark... it literally boggles my soul. The more power mankind wields... the greater the fallout from their mistakes becomes in turn.
And yet... and yet. Deep breaths. There is also a decent chance, out of all this, that COVID simply fades quietly away, and that all we're left with are the political consequences and the vaccine side effects. Not that those are any slouch - but, they are at least more comprehensible.
I watched a video, first time in a long time (I used to watch him every day in May 2020) by Chris Martenson last night, after my divination. He went into great detail on vaccine side effect reporting from the EU, and highlighted something fascinating that I'd had no idea about. Of course heart issues of all types were widely reported, but the highest single effect reported in the data was neurological and anxiety disorders. This seems to include everything from seizures to onset of severe anxiety. Anxiety, eh? I think back on some of the interactions I've been at the receiving end of over the last month and I have to wonder...
But to get back on topic, the card is... as should not surprise me anymore... excruciatingly correct. It feels like a truth may have been revealed... but has it? Fundamentally, I still don't know. The larger context in my supplementary tarot warns that the reversed High Priestess can represent secrets that seem to have been revealed, but may actually stay a mystery. "Someone is obsessing about finding out all the facts when that is in fact impossible." Guilty, ugh...
And thus, I have decided to avoid checking JMG's site for the next two days, to give my soul a little bit of a break, and some time to recover. If I find that this doesn't help, I may actually stop checking all the news sites - I only go to alternative ones, but even so, COVID is the topic du jour all over every corner of the Internet right now.
Because... frankly... if these scenarios are going to play out, one or the other, there's no longer anything that can be done to stop them. The vaccinations have been given. The variants are mutating. The economy won't survive another lock-down. I guess I could wear a mask? Ehhh... it would be far more practical to buy myself (and potentially the family) some elderberry syrup. And ivermectin. Time to dig up that site that routes generic meds through Vanuatu! Wheeee!
Gonna put my kid to bed soon... then, let's divinate for tomorrow. May it be an easier day. I'm thinking that ALL reversed cards, even if ostensibly good readings, can create a bumpy ride...
Me: 6 of Clubs (The Tower) REVERSED - problems, but I can handle them
Situation: 8 of Spades (Justice) - Reason, Fairness "getting what you deserve, for good or ill"
Outcome: 5 of Spades REVERSED - not able to win, hollow victory
Well! This feels like a terrible divination.
Interestingly, I usually get a "tell" very quickly with these cards, but for the first time I had to sort twice and reshuffle extensively before getting any extrasensory response at all, and it was very slight. I wonder if they didn't want to tell me? Or if I am just burned out... perhaps the spiritual exhaustion continues.
In any case, I will stick to my guns, and see if it doesn't bring about some healing tomorrow. It's possible that if I treat these cards as a warning, the outcome may not be as terrible. We'll see.