Daily div... ugh.

 Amazing day, just an amazing day so far. 

Me: Yes, I've had to be restrained, yesterday and this morning too. 

Situation: A man concerned with the physical world - that's what we're dealing with today, for sure. Perhaps the joy in the natural world came from the dinner my husband cooked me last night from the garden, hoping that things would turn for the better. It was delicious. 

Outcome: My father has lost his mind about Delta. 

I don't have the energy to go into it much, but he doesn't want to allow my mom to come next week to help, or anyone from care.com, and he wants us to quit the daycare. So... that would mean one of us has to quit our job, with no unemployment. We'd be in dire poverty, with no good options for the future. He was so happy when I got this job, telling me what a great opportunity it was like he was trying to overcome my ambiguity - how dare he?! Now he thinks I can just walk away, no big, in order to help him feel safe - how dare he?! He's just... a coward, a cringing coward in the face of Delta. 

In a few days he'll likely change his mind and beg us not to go but... I can't go through this again. I have made my choice and I must live by it. And so must he. 

So here's the plans set in motion: we have to move. Now. NOW. I've already called two apartment buildings and left messages (it's too early for their office). I can't go through this again. I can't deal with these waves of cowardice that threaten our livelihoods. He couldn't be trying to give me a miscarriage any harder unless he was kicking me in the stomach. So even though it will likely hit our savings hard - we've just got to go. 

Ugh... all this and I don't even have the SOP anymore to help me, and I haven't had a spare fucking moment to set up a meditation practice, fuck me fuck me fuck me AND FUCK HIM. I am not going to deal with this anymore. Cowardice has costs. 

I guess I still have divination, please cards... support me. 

Me: Jack of Hearts - thoughts and feelings bursting forth, which I have suppressed previously

Situation: 10 of Spades (Judgment) REVERSED - "A need to change and the signs that change is due is being ignored by someone involved in the matter." 

Outcome: King of Spades (The Emperor) - my best self

Here's how I will interpret the cards. First, yes, feelings I have strongly suppressed are definitely bubbling up today. Second, I think this is telling me to go about the move without panic - to take the time to make a correct decision. Third, I will handle it by being my best self, the best self I can possibly be. And I will make it through. 

That's about as good as I'm going to get... let's do the rest of the day, then.