Daily div.
7 July 2021 21:23![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sh1njuk1 Oog... I wish the drama would let up a bit, seriously. I never want a clean sweep of Hearts cards again...
(At some point, I distinctly feel that I was told/threatened that middle age would be boring. To this I say - WHEN WILL THIS PROMISE BE FULFILLED?! My aging body is READY, come on!!)
Anyway, I spent the morning writing probably too many comments telling my personal story of how little the society/my family has supported me in having a kid - definitely feelings bubbling up from within, the Jack of Hearts fish seems to be indicative of that - and then jumped from there right into the interview.
It went... fantastic. A job that I would never have dreamed could exist, it seems so good. I could go into how and why, but it would just be too painful. Because... along with its general perfection... there was pressure to be vaccinated, right off the bat. "It's not legally required, but it would help the older people in this office feel safe." Oog.
I mean... I could go on a tear here about how "the older people" are all vaccinated - and if they didn't trust the vaccination to protect them, why the hell did they get one - and how really by their own logic the one in danger is ME from THEM but whatever. It doesn't matter. Logic left the station with COVID-19 a long time ago.
Perhaps this is karma? The universe's revenge for the spell I cast with my posters last year, the one to encourage people to wear masks, thinking it would save Portland's restaurants? Now it will be my fate to do my new job, if an offer comes along (it seems likely, though there's one more round of interview) as the only one in a mask in the entire office. Well, if so... karma targets the magical practitioner like a bullet, indeed. May I learn my lesson. May I be humbled.
In short, I'm pretty unsure whether I can make any friendships or do a good job with clients as the one masked person in the office. It will be like sewing a yellow star on my clothing (though hopefully with less Kristallnacht). There does seems to be a large data entry portion to the job, and there's an option to work from home at least a few days, and so I guess I could do calls with clients from... my room. They'll mostly be global so it will be manageable. I'd rather stay home for them and be maskless, then try to swing my video calls masked for the sake of the office's perennially terrified "older people".
But of course, I will not kill my own future child (potentially) for their fear. The pure evil of what they "kindly" ask... they know not. Few of us know how brutal we really are to others. Patience and kindness is what I will do my best to summon and extend to them... as much as I can without harming myself.
It's crushing to realize that I will be doing the new, nice job in some form of the same hell I spent the last 18 months enduring. Not quite as bad, thank goodness - and I still believe that I can provide enough value to the company that neither they or I will think I'm stiffing them. But... I can see the end of this career on the horizon. The end of this life. This perfect salaried job--the one my parents always dreamed of for me--should I get it, I will probably quit after about 10 months or so, when I get too pregnant to be effective. It could even be a relief for both parties. And I will never go back.
Well on THAT note the Temperance card is pretty on point no?? The perfect job, tempered perfectly with having to perform it under the conditions of an untreated leper. Joy and sorrow. I've been up and down all day. It averages out to a boring life (WHEN WILL IT COME, I ASK YOU).
The Lovers seems to be the outcome measuring how great this job is compared to the last one that almost ripped me out of my burrow, so to speak. Or... perhaps it's doing as the Amazon egregore did, and is the card representing that entity? King of Hearts for Amazon, The Lovers for this job...
In any case, the third round of interviews isn't until Monday, so Gods willing I can take a goddamn break tomorrow. Let's see.
Me: Joker (The Fool) - Freedom, Fearlessness
Situation: 8 of Clubs REVERSED - NOT a lot of small actions to maintain stability, or repetition
Outcome: 2 of Diamonds (The High Priestess) - Juggling, Multi-tasking
Well - I'm good with this. (No Hearts, thank everything...) I'm in the mood for a day of freedom/fearlessness, I could use it. I'll be doing very targeted and unusual actions - preparing for my initiation ceremony this Saturday, I've only got two days to get a ton of tasks done. So... not repetition. And I think I'll still be right in the thick of it by the end of the day, therefore the multi-tasking. We shall see!
(At some point, I distinctly feel that I was told/threatened that middle age would be boring. To this I say - WHEN WILL THIS PROMISE BE FULFILLED?! My aging body is READY, come on!!)
Anyway, I spent the morning writing probably too many comments telling my personal story of how little the society/my family has supported me in having a kid - definitely feelings bubbling up from within, the Jack of Hearts fish seems to be indicative of that - and then jumped from there right into the interview.
It went... fantastic. A job that I would never have dreamed could exist, it seems so good. I could go into how and why, but it would just be too painful. Because... along with its general perfection... there was pressure to be vaccinated, right off the bat. "It's not legally required, but it would help the older people in this office feel safe." Oog.
I mean... I could go on a tear here about how "the older people" are all vaccinated - and if they didn't trust the vaccination to protect them, why the hell did they get one - and how really by their own logic the one in danger is ME from THEM but whatever. It doesn't matter. Logic left the station with COVID-19 a long time ago.
Perhaps this is karma? The universe's revenge for the spell I cast with my posters last year, the one to encourage people to wear masks, thinking it would save Portland's restaurants? Now it will be my fate to do my new job, if an offer comes along (it seems likely, though there's one more round of interview) as the only one in a mask in the entire office. Well, if so... karma targets the magical practitioner like a bullet, indeed. May I learn my lesson. May I be humbled.
In short, I'm pretty unsure whether I can make any friendships or do a good job with clients as the one masked person in the office. It will be like sewing a yellow star on my clothing (though hopefully with less Kristallnacht). There does seems to be a large data entry portion to the job, and there's an option to work from home at least a few days, and so I guess I could do calls with clients from... my room. They'll mostly be global so it will be manageable. I'd rather stay home for them and be maskless, then try to swing my video calls masked for the sake of the office's perennially terrified "older people".
But of course, I will not kill my own future child (potentially) for their fear. The pure evil of what they "kindly" ask... they know not. Few of us know how brutal we really are to others. Patience and kindness is what I will do my best to summon and extend to them... as much as I can without harming myself.
It's crushing to realize that I will be doing the new, nice job in some form of the same hell I spent the last 18 months enduring. Not quite as bad, thank goodness - and I still believe that I can provide enough value to the company that neither they or I will think I'm stiffing them. But... I can see the end of this career on the horizon. The end of this life. This perfect salaried job--the one my parents always dreamed of for me--should I get it, I will probably quit after about 10 months or so, when I get too pregnant to be effective. It could even be a relief for both parties. And I will never go back.
Well on THAT note the Temperance card is pretty on point no?? The perfect job, tempered perfectly with having to perform it under the conditions of an untreated leper. Joy and sorrow. I've been up and down all day. It averages out to a boring life (WHEN WILL IT COME, I ASK YOU).
The Lovers seems to be the outcome measuring how great this job is compared to the last one that almost ripped me out of my burrow, so to speak. Or... perhaps it's doing as the Amazon egregore did, and is the card representing that entity? King of Hearts for Amazon, The Lovers for this job...
In any case, the third round of interviews isn't until Monday, so Gods willing I can take a goddamn break tomorrow. Let's see.
Me: Joker (The Fool) - Freedom, Fearlessness
Situation: 8 of Clubs REVERSED - NOT a lot of small actions to maintain stability, or repetition
Outcome: 2 of Diamonds (The High Priestess) - Juggling, Multi-tasking
Well - I'm good with this. (No Hearts, thank everything...) I'm in the mood for a day of freedom/fearlessness, I could use it. I'll be doing very targeted and unusual actions - preparing for my initiation ceremony this Saturday, I've only got two days to get a ton of tasks done. So... not repetition. And I think I'll still be right in the thick of it by the end of the day, therefore the multi-tasking. We shall see!