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sh1njuk1 I'm sitting in the coziest tea shop I know, three days out from my Alban Arthuan ritual. A good chance to discuss my experiences and reflect.
First, the background: I'm alone for Christmas this year, entirely by choice. The family celebrated up in Seattle last weekend, to match my brother-in-law's schedule, and I participated... thankfully not as sick with the (non-COVID; they made us all take tests before traveling) crud as I was on Thanksgiving when we did a similar event... and then got myself an Amtrak ticket and vamoosed straight back home after less than 24 hours. I've had an absolutely miserable last 6 weeks at my job, culminating in not being able to sleep well several nights in a row, mostly from freaking out that it NEEDED to be getting easier RIGHT NOW and I didn't see that anywhere on the horizon. I miss my husband and baby, who are staying with family to get childcare as my husband's job is 100% WFH (and mine isn't, I finally got off for Christmas break today after 4 days of being alone in the office), but skipping out on family Christmas was the only way I could see to get a break from at least some of my responsibilities and regroup myself. So far, it's been a very good choice. I've cooked and cleaned and started to check some things off my to-do list that have been pending for 6+ weeks as I could barely even breathe due to stress and my stupid job. And I celebrated Alban Arthuan, alone in my apartment.
I guess I'll start with my disappointments. First, I think I need to find a different place to do this ritual in the future. Our current apartment is just too plastic and sealed off to be an effective ritual space. (It isn't a particularly pleasant space to live in, either.) I tried to have some interaction with the outside on Samhain by keeping the balcony door open, but the noise from traffic was horrible, and right now it is just too cold to do that. But closing the door seemed to close off all possibility of communing with the gods of nature - unsurprising. I do think I felt the presence of Hu, but only very faintly. He was like a mist, which I could just barely see, and dissipated very quickly.
Second, I am still so unfamiliar with my own living space - still! - and perhaps so stressed, that despite setting up the ritual over 2 days I forgot some important pieces before I began... I did not get my "sword" (bread knife with sheath) and I forgot to put on my own Druid robe!! Sheesh. Maybe I need to make a checklist before I start next time.
Third, I really do need to actually memorize the words of the ritual, and not read out of the book anymore. Just one more task to put on my to-do list, I guess, but to have a truly meaningful ritual it is necessary. This is my fourth time celebrating by-the-book, so to say. I'm honestly not sure if I'll be able to do this by Imbolc, but perhaps I can set up a regular reading of the opening/closing so that I get it pounded into my head by repetition.
But enough about the negative. What went well...
Given the season, I lit every candle that I had in the house, and arranged them carefully on the counters around the ritual space. They were so much lovelier than the battery candles we got for Christmas decorations that I almost couldn't stop looking at them. I want to use candles in all the rituals going forward - at least for the darker seasons, anyway!
I bought more traditional incense for that part of the ritual, instead of the chintzy stuff I'd had before - in fact I used a frankincense and myrrh blend. MUCH improved. Always go with the traditional stuff!
I used a local red wine for the offering, and not only was that offering the part I felt the presence of Hu the strongest, but it was a damn delicious wine.
Instead of salt I used soil from my balcony garden - I think that's the right direction.
I've got some ideas for how to improve the ritual going forward:
1) Hold Imbolc outside - a local park has a large gazebo with tables, and if I can get it together I'm sure I could hold something there on Feb. 1 (there's unlikely to be anyone else using it).
2) Candles, candles, candles (on Feb 1 in Oregon, it is probably impossible to set anything outside on fire)
3) Alcohol with milk of some sort - irish cream liquor? I wonder if there's a local cream liquor?
4) Given global warming, there will definitely be some flowers popping up somewhere around that time to use
5) Bring the book to work and regularly read through the ritual on my break between now and then - I will be claiming one of the corner offices as my own, as my salary class colleagues will do literally anything to avoid coming back to the office, so it's time to colonize the ruins (and set my own schedule, and hide myself from anyone who would give me shit about whether or not I was wearing a mask or doing needlepoint to get through the hours-long training videos I have to rewatch or eating food at my desk or... reading a book for a few minutes a day, to decrease my stress)
6) Put out a container on the balcony to collect rainwater for the water part
7) Move out of this stupid, plastic, overpriced, over-regulated (I can't turn off the fan!!), badly designed apartment.
On that note, I think I want to swing around to my favorite chocolate place and see if it's still open, then head back to my quiet apartment and start writing my yearly Christmas letter (which does generally go out around New Year's, lol). That's going to be... emotionally difficult in a lot of ways. But it must be done - it's very important that it be done.
Merry Alban Arthuan, all, and I will check back in again at Imbolc, if not sooner.
First, the background: I'm alone for Christmas this year, entirely by choice. The family celebrated up in Seattle last weekend, to match my brother-in-law's schedule, and I participated... thankfully not as sick with the (non-COVID; they made us all take tests before traveling) crud as I was on Thanksgiving when we did a similar event... and then got myself an Amtrak ticket and vamoosed straight back home after less than 24 hours. I've had an absolutely miserable last 6 weeks at my job, culminating in not being able to sleep well several nights in a row, mostly from freaking out that it NEEDED to be getting easier RIGHT NOW and I didn't see that anywhere on the horizon. I miss my husband and baby, who are staying with family to get childcare as my husband's job is 100% WFH (and mine isn't, I finally got off for Christmas break today after 4 days of being alone in the office), but skipping out on family Christmas was the only way I could see to get a break from at least some of my responsibilities and regroup myself. So far, it's been a very good choice. I've cooked and cleaned and started to check some things off my to-do list that have been pending for 6+ weeks as I could barely even breathe due to stress and my stupid job. And I celebrated Alban Arthuan, alone in my apartment.
I guess I'll start with my disappointments. First, I think I need to find a different place to do this ritual in the future. Our current apartment is just too plastic and sealed off to be an effective ritual space. (It isn't a particularly pleasant space to live in, either.) I tried to have some interaction with the outside on Samhain by keeping the balcony door open, but the noise from traffic was horrible, and right now it is just too cold to do that. But closing the door seemed to close off all possibility of communing with the gods of nature - unsurprising. I do think I felt the presence of Hu, but only very faintly. He was like a mist, which I could just barely see, and dissipated very quickly.
Second, I am still so unfamiliar with my own living space - still! - and perhaps so stressed, that despite setting up the ritual over 2 days I forgot some important pieces before I began... I did not get my "sword" (bread knife with sheath) and I forgot to put on my own Druid robe!! Sheesh. Maybe I need to make a checklist before I start next time.
Third, I really do need to actually memorize the words of the ritual, and not read out of the book anymore. Just one more task to put on my to-do list, I guess, but to have a truly meaningful ritual it is necessary. This is my fourth time celebrating by-the-book, so to say. I'm honestly not sure if I'll be able to do this by Imbolc, but perhaps I can set up a regular reading of the opening/closing so that I get it pounded into my head by repetition.
But enough about the negative. What went well...
Given the season, I lit every candle that I had in the house, and arranged them carefully on the counters around the ritual space. They were so much lovelier than the battery candles we got for Christmas decorations that I almost couldn't stop looking at them. I want to use candles in all the rituals going forward - at least for the darker seasons, anyway!
I bought more traditional incense for that part of the ritual, instead of the chintzy stuff I'd had before - in fact I used a frankincense and myrrh blend. MUCH improved. Always go with the traditional stuff!
I used a local red wine for the offering, and not only was that offering the part I felt the presence of Hu the strongest, but it was a damn delicious wine.
Instead of salt I used soil from my balcony garden - I think that's the right direction.
I've got some ideas for how to improve the ritual going forward:
1) Hold Imbolc outside - a local park has a large gazebo with tables, and if I can get it together I'm sure I could hold something there on Feb. 1 (there's unlikely to be anyone else using it).
2) Candles, candles, candles (on Feb 1 in Oregon, it is probably impossible to set anything outside on fire)
3) Alcohol with milk of some sort - irish cream liquor? I wonder if there's a local cream liquor?
4) Given global warming, there will definitely be some flowers popping up somewhere around that time to use
5) Bring the book to work and regularly read through the ritual on my break between now and then - I will be claiming one of the corner offices as my own, as my salary class colleagues will do literally anything to avoid coming back to the office, so it's time to colonize the ruins (and set my own schedule, and hide myself from anyone who would give me shit about whether or not I was wearing a mask or doing needlepoint to get through the hours-long training videos I have to rewatch or eating food at my desk or... reading a book for a few minutes a day, to decrease my stress)
6) Put out a container on the balcony to collect rainwater for the water part
7) Move out of this stupid, plastic, overpriced, over-regulated (I can't turn off the fan!!), badly designed apartment.
On that note, I think I want to swing around to my favorite chocolate place and see if it's still open, then head back to my quiet apartment and start writing my yearly Christmas letter (which does generally go out around New Year's, lol). That's going to be... emotionally difficult in a lot of ways. But it must be done - it's very important that it be done.
Merry Alban Arthuan, all, and I will check back in again at Imbolc, if not sooner.