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 A much easier day today. Thank goodness. 

Me: Yes, by the end of it, I felt both like I had worked hard, and like I had reached a more comfortable position. I ate a very delicious salad and gnocchi at a local restaurant :)

Situation: This helped too - I started out deep in the hole (forgot my work laptop in the bathroom the previous night, sheesh!). But - I got the numbers I needed, called building management, and was signed on and working in less than 20 minutes. I was able to piece together the insanely complex onion of different software systems that let the business work and demonstrate my knowledge of that to my boss by the end of the day. 

At some point I will go on about how, even though I am grateful every day that this job is not Amazon, it is nonetheless a perfect example of how crazy global capitalism is, and how little sense it makes - and how little sense I fear it will very shortly make. (For one thing, almost all of the company's actual printers are in China. How much longer will it make sense to pay US staff a lot of money to do the software admin part of this equation in a different time zone?) But... we are living one day at a time, here. For now, this job is one of the better ones in America that I could get access to. I can only be grateful for that. 

Outcome: I wrote a personal message to Rod Dreher, whose blog I once used to read and comment on frequently, telling him about my recent experiences with vaccine pressure in my own family. I have asked him not to publish it, but I am hoping that it may contribute to him coming to a better understanding about what's been happening in the country recently - he's been distracted by Hungary for a little while now. Anyway, that counts as "creative flow" I think. 

Let's divinate and get some good sleep. 

Me: 4 of Clubs - Joy, especially as related to buildings and houses

Situation: 9 of Spades REVERSED - no worries keeping me up at night, "some difficult and painful situation is getting better"

Outcome: Queen of Spades - oh no! pointy karma!! possibly to do with a female doctor, given the previous card - obstetrician?

Let me just say here that I would LOVE to break the association between the Queen of Swords and getting my own karma in the teeth. We'll see how it goes, though. To bed!

 Jumping in here, I went to bed too early last night to get this in! I think I had a remarkably accurate divination. 

Me: I definitely did go into the day, and the HR meeting scheduled, thinking/fearing I was about to be treated unfairly. That... was not the case! It was a very normal HR meeting about benefits etc. without one gasp of COVID anything. Thank goodness! :)

Situation: I did my work, felt rather creative and productive, and me and baby ate a bunch of things that we wanted to <3

Outcome: I realized at the end of the day that it had been a good day. I laid down several burdens of fear. It was also a boring day, which, thank all the gods in existence for that, and may I have some more, please??

Well, let's see!

Me: 2 of Diamonds (The High Priestess) REVERSED - Finding out more info about a mystery about which not all will ever be revealed

Situation:10 of Spades (Judgment) REVERSED - don't walk away, you need to hang on to something a little longer - sleepy?? 

Outcome: 5 of Spades REVERSED - a gnarly opponent/situation against whom I may not win

Oog... not such a great forecast. Hopefully this will be a case where it refers to very, very small things, like tarot cards are SUPPOSED to. Fingers crossed!

 Well, the cards predicted a rough day, and it was a bit of a rough day. 

Me: Yes, I faced a tough opponent today... my own father. My favorite parent, once upon a time. We had the conversation at a bench next to the farmer's market where we both shop on Saturday. I had prepared a financial report of sorts for my dad, and also made sure to emphasize that we weren't making this choice (to move out) out of anger, but that given the situation, this was the best choice for our family. 

It went... about as well as I could have hoped for, I guess. He admitted that the finances were sound, and that this was possible for us. But he very quickly recognized that he looked rather bad in this scenario, and so spent most of the conversation after the initial part lecturing me on how I hadn't solved the "actual" problem (how to keep myself perfectly protected from Delta, I guess) and that clearly my brain was too addled from pregnancy to think straight, and why didn't I just go to the local pregnancy center (the anti-abortion one) and ask THEM what vaccine to take, if finding an obstetrician to talk to was going to take longer than a weekend?? Yeah... I can't imagine why that possibly might not solve my problem. 

Because I wanted there to be some hope of family reconciliation in the future, I just nodded along and kept insisting that I was just too tired to handle anything else right now, things came at me too fast this week, and that I needed to think about the medium and long term as well as the short one. That COVID would eventually go away but the rent payments were unlikely to. He insisted loudly that he wasn't evicting me, that we could always come and move back in at any time for any reason, and I thanked him sincerely for that. I will hold him to it, should it be needed. Really what was going on there though was that he didn't want to be wrong, so, I let him be not-wrong. He ranted a bit about how if I didn't make it through the short term, no other term mattered! At this point I raised my voice slightly and informed him I am an adult and I will make my own choices. He backed down with a few parting shots I did not respond to, and we went to take a look at some recent art installations nearby. The conversation was finished. I believe our relationship is unchanged, that we both still love each other, and the vast majority of my thoughts on the matter will go forever unsaid. Victory - with mud all over my face. But, no clean wins were ever really possible. 

He is right in one way, though - one way which he will never actually know about. I've waited too long to source ivermectin. Really... I've been reading about it for months... I should have known better. I need to order that ASAP, and have it delivered--to our new apartment I guess. The site I found will take about 3 to 4 weeks to deliver. Fingers crossed it arrives before anyone I know is in danger. 

Anyway I was a bit down the rest of the day, with a lot of quiet ranting to myself, saying all the words I held back in the moment so that they didn't curdle inside too much. I also unburdened myself deeply to my husband at one point about matters I've written about here before. That would be the Situation card. 

Outcome: I think the main quotation from yesterday was entirely correct - I did lose something big and painful. I recognized after the conversation that I don't really want to leave this house, and its garden, and my dad's fix-it side I had hoped to learn so much more from... but there's no other choice now. Our new apartment is beautiful, the location is ideal and I know that the moment I actually move in there I will weep with joy and relief. But the dream of multi-generational housing that was working pretty OK... that's gone. And it hurts to lose it. I wanted us to be stronger together - for us all to pull together against the crazy age, and to fight all dangers at each other's side. But my dad is too afraid. 

Being separate, though, will allow me and my family to reach out - finally - to a wider community, without having to tip-toe around these fears and restrictions. It will allow me to purchase a generator and extra fridge ASAP without trying to explain endlessly to my dad why these things are really good to have right now. It will allow me to pile every last shelf high with non-perishable food, without asking any permission. It will allow me to eliminate sugary crap and creepy chemicals from ever being in our presence. So... I can still keep moving forward.

So tired... time to divinate. 

Me: King of Clubs (The Magician)

Situation: 9 of Clubs (The Sun)

Outcome: 6 of Spades REVERSED

Too tired to speculate, will look this up tomorrow, good night. 

 Let's get through this one... lots to do today. 

Me: Yeah, I had a lot of feelings yesterday. My dad's cowardice, which I had already recognized last spring, finally worked itself out to its logical conclusion. I worked through the rage, and I think most of the shock, and then was left with a deep and enduring sadness, which is still with me. I don't think it will go away anytime soon. 

Situation: Well, moving out on a dime is going to be quite difficult - this is apparently a time where 2-bedroom apartments are in high demand (talked to an on-site manager yesterday afternoon). Both of the buildings I called did not bother to call back, either. Sigh. On the other hand, we have more time - Mike is going to take our kid up to Seattle on Sunday, and stay there at his mom's house all week. Sure is a good thing I repaired relations with her, huh?! My mom will come and watch him there so that he can work. That will give me time to "lean in" at work (god I hate that term) and focus all my remaining energy on finding a place. 

My dad doesn't know yet that after Sunday morning, he isn't going to see his grandson again for a very, very long time. I'm not actually angry enough to purposefully cut him off - thank goodness for that, for my sake - but I am pretty sure that he won't feel safe enough to come visit for an indefinite period, anyway. I know I need to tell him what's happening eventually, but... I'm so very tired. He just doesn't understand (well, won't understand) that he struck directly at our ability to make a living. He doesn't understand that "safety" is a luxury that he is privileged enough to have, and we aren't. He's going to play bafflement and outrage, I already know, and make it out to be our faults somehow, so that he doesn't have to feel like the cringing coward who just evicted a young family in the middle of a pandemic that he actually is. I'll just have to let it all roll off me and do what I must. I'm just so very, very tired. 

Outcome: I suppose I could have reacted a lot worse to all this - I tried to post a cry for help about finding apartments in a hurry in r/portland, and it was deleted immediately, and then tried in r/AskPortland, and it was deleted even faster - LOL! None shall be allowed to post anything negative about Portland!! (Honestly, the virulence of the censorship was a bit of a surprise - so many things I am learning this year...) But, I suppose I'm grateful, it did focus my mind. I went in to work, explained the situation to my boss with a joking tone, and did a solid 4 hours of data entry practice. I went to the next door apartment building and hotel and got their rates and availability on my break. I cuddled my kid and put him to bed. I did not collapse in a heap of tears or post howls of rage everywhere on the Internet. I was just a bit down after work was over. Given the circumstances... perhaps that really was my best possible self. 

Let's divinate and get on with the day. 

Me: Queen of Hearts (The Empress) - me am pregnant, may also have something to do with food

Situation: 10 of Clubs REVERSED - "do not carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone"

Outcome: 9 of Hearts REVERSED - NOT doing too much, being selfish

Huh... this is actually rather clear advice (!). "You're pregnant; don't take on too many burdens alone, and don't overdo it!" Well - I doubt an obstetrician could be so clear. OK... I won't overdo it today, cards, thanks :)

 Only slightly less tired today. 

Me: The daycare workers are out sick again today - ran around like a crazy person trying to figure out how to work from home, contact my new boss to let her know, worrying about whether or not my father would be patient enough while watching my toddler... then after I figured out I could WFH for the morning only, I spent it asleep (while training videos played). Then I went in to the office to complete my day. So - confusing, yes! 

Situation: I guess I used my intuition to sleep when I needed to sleep, eat exactly what I needed to eat, and bring in a pile of things to the office so that it didn't feel quite so hostile. Tea, sewing, headphones that didn't look like they belonged in the Matrix (and made of cheap plastic to boot, ugh!!) and posters went a long way :) On that note... need to bring in some non-antibacterial soap for the office kitchen. (I can't believe people still buy that stuff!) Also, considering springing for a couple of lamps, for more merciful lighting... we'll see if I can adapt to flourescent...

Outcome: I did not enforce my will in any way today, that's for sure. For a Day 2 employee I caused enough trouble. On the other hand it is interesting that my boss is strictly NO MASK as a policy - even when leadership gave an emergency text today saying that all people in the office need to mask up NOW!! she waved it off with a strong intimation that we also should as well - she believes that the vaccine protects her. We're definitely all getting Delta (the daycare providers might even have it right now). Oh, how I hope she's right about her risk levels... :( In any case... I've decided to risk my life twice already - first by not immediately getting vaccinated, then by going ahead with a pregnancy in the current societal conditions. What's a third time, really? Eventually I'll stop counting at all. 

Let's divinate and get me to bed already. 

Me: Ace of Hearts REVERSED - NO emotional/spiritual/creative flow

Situation: King of Diamonds - Generosity, Happiness found in Nature or Spirituality

Outcome: 10 of Hearts (Wheel of Fortune) - Events Set in Motion

Sounds about right - I'll be keeping myself under control tomorrow, I'll find happiness in the moments of nature and spirituality I can grab from in between the screens, and hopefully I can get my feet under me enough to chug along with some of my goals other than "survival". I can work with this!

 Me: The "determination" card did apply to me today - I was determined to move my desk from the dining room to the bedroom, come hell or high water, in order to get ready for my new job starting tomorrow, and even after I finally peed on a stick--mostly to see if I couldn't mentally prompt my period already--and found out I AM pregnant... I laughed, and went right back to sorting papers! LOL!

Last time I was pregnant, it felt like being grabbed by the throat from the inside - but this time around, though there were a lot of symptoms thinking back (not least that my energy in doing the SOP had waned dramatically... sigh, I'm going to miss my daily SOP...) it's been much less jarring so far. So - given everything else that's been going on - I actually missed it! If I was a person with a less regular period, I wonder how long I would have gone before knowing?

Situation: Boy do I feel like the Fool today... but the specific meaning in this case is probably "opportunity". The child whose voice I heard all the way back in 2018 is finally getting the opportunity to live. (Specifically, the child who screamed from the beyond "I WANT TO LIVE!!!" the moment I got doubts about whether having another child was the right choice - THAT child is on their way. And calculating back, they grabbed their chance pretty much THE DAY my husband and I decided to stop using birth control...! This kid wants to be here, I can say that much. I don't know what all they'll have to face in this life but... they want to be here.) It's early days yet, but there's a good chance this one's going the distance.

Also, now I feel like a derp about all the Empress cards... here I am going, "I keep getting the Empress card but I'm not pregnant... what is the alternative interpretation of the Empress card?!" Meanwhile the Empress card goes: ":)" I looked back at this journal - I got the Empress card roughly when the embryo would have implanted, and then several times after the timeframe for my period came and went. So it goes!!

Outcome: Two interpretations for this one: first, my husband is overjoyed, and the King of Hearts could be him (he is romantic and bearded). Second, this could be a tell that this child will be a boy. (It is an image of a male, surrounded by water...) If so - that would work just fine for me! But I won't know for some time, as I'm going to do a lot less testing this pregnancy. Hopefully I'll be doing a lot less of everything hospital-related during this pregnancy, knock on wood. 

Next up will be finding an obstetrician... as I would prefer having access to a hospital for a potential C-section, just in case... not really looking forward to that, sigh. For a lot of reasons, I'm going to need one with a sense of nuance, which was rare even in the "good times". 

Anyway, I'd like a little support for tomorrow, first day at a brand new job (what a summer!!), so let's divinate. 

Me: 6 of Diamonds - community-minded, harmony, so forth

Situation: 2 of Diamonds (The High Priestess) REVERSED - discovering things that are hidden, but no final answers

Outcome: Joker (The Fool) - an opportunity

Clear enough! I will be aiming to make a new community of some sort. I will find out the situation at the job, but of course not everything will be revealed on Day 1. And... this is an opportunity. Opportunities galore nowadays. Thanks cards! I'm going back to bed now!

I'm going to preface this by saying that I do not think today's divination was particularly accurate at all. And, honestly, that doesn't surprise me. I sorted the cards for nearly 5 minutes yesterday and jumped on the faintest possible "signal". Usually, the cards let me know which to pick within a minute, and quite strongly too. I suspect it was because I was so emotionally and spiritually disrupted yesterday, after reading JMG's hypothesis on ADE, that I literally could not access the sensitivity necessary to "read the cards". 

I'm doing much, much better today. I kept to my vow of not checking Ecosophia for a bit. (Other news sites focus on such pointless shit, don't they? It was actually a relief...) I decided that I was going to pour my emotions about the post into two directions: first, continuing to do whatever preparations I can for difficult times ahead, and second, in making sure that I spend as much time as possible with everyone I love who is willing to see me. After all, what's really changed? Who's to say that anyone and everyone I know won't just be hit by a bus, or contract cancer? None shall know the hour. I reached out to my mother-in-law and asked if she would be OK with me planting a tree on her property, for my Druid curriculum. She enthusiastically said yes! Given how much we have repaired our relationship, and learned to respect each other's boundaries, I think I can be comfortable with returning to usual visits. Thank the gods. 

Also, I wrapped up unemployment and all my job hunt activities (may I not need to do that again for a while), and completed and submitted my Druid curriculum. I think I can properly move forward now with both my new job and my spiritual path. 

In summary, I'm not entirely clear what the drastic problem was I solved (The Tower), what decision fell upon me that cut off one of the other path (Justice) or what pyrrhic victory I won (5 of Spades reversed). I think I'm gonna call that a bust. 

And... here's to hoping that I have returned to form!

Me: 8 of Spades (Justice) - Reason, Fairness "bringing a fair-minded attitude will be most auspicious"

Situation: Ace of Spades REVERSED - NO focus, clarity "avoid provoking a fight"

Outcome: Queen of Hearts (The Empress) - Fertility, Responsibility to Nature "love will bring the best outcome in this matter"

OK... this seems like a better divination, tomorrow will of course tell. Interesting that I have pulled the Justice card so many times lately... well, here's a narrative. I think that I will manage to be fair-minded tomorrow in all my dealings, but that may not mean that I complete all that many tasks. I should/will conduct my actions with love and a motherly role in mind. Might have something to do with nature, too? We will see!

 Might be a bit of a journal post today, we'll see...

Me: I did have freedom today - the freedom to go and get exactly what I wanted to eat, as I worked hard to keep staving off this whatever-it-is. I also freely allowed myself to take a nap in the middle of the day, about 2 hours. It seems to have worked, at least for now... but I also am recognizing this funk is about more than germs in my lymph nodes. 

Situation: Good things happened today... but in kind of crappy ways? We replaced all our tires on the car and found out the rear brake pads needed attention as well - that means our car is much safer to drive, but it did double our expected costs. (We can afford it easily, it was just a bit of an ugh.) I smacked (not literally!) my husband out of what he recognized retroactively was a panic attack, over art of all things. He was in a spiral where he was trying not to burn out on it, but all the worrying about burning out was... burning him out. I put my foot down and told him that there would be NO discussion about art, none PERIOD, for at least two weeks, and that I would enforce that! I think this will be really good for both him and me, and so does he (if we never ever talk again about art it will be too soon, there's some steaming honesty with how I feel about this stupid topic) but it had to hit a pitch of unpleasantness first. Most likely the true root of this is stress overflow from the intra-family battle royale that had been going on, breaking through now that peace has been successfully brokered. He'd been considering joining a climbing gym - I told him to DO IT NOW, because more exercise can only help an anxious mood! So he'll be going tonight, hooray :) Also, the few friends I keep up with on a Discord server were complaining about the suburbs in exactly the way I taught them all to (fuck the suburbs!). At long last, I've convinced them all! This stuff was my passion, no exaggeration, from roughly 2015-2020. Man... I wish it still mattered. 

Outcome: I think reading JMG's post earlier today about the possibility of ADE breaking out this fall/winter among the vaccinated is, unfortunately, what this card represents for me today. As he also stated clearly, it is just a hypothesis; my feeling is that even if it does kick off, it wouldn't be as bad as the worst-case scenario... but boy, I wish I had more than "a feeling" to back that up. I think the real realization for me wasn't so much that this is possible - it's that if the elites think it might be possible, suddenly a whole bunch of recent weirdness makes far, far too much sense. 

On that note... I'll allow myself to wallow for a moment in the sad end of the pool. I, my mother, and my dad's renter are the only people in my entire social circle over the age of 12 who have any chance of not being vaccinated as of this moment (everyone else has trumpeted their vaccinated status loud and clear). Even if we surmise a very conservative death rate from ADE over the next few years of 5%, that means 5 to 10 funerals of people I know or once knew well. Any higher of a rate than 5%? I'll be conducting at least one of them, probably under great duress :( And that isn't even going into the social, political or supply chain consequences...

Not a single one of the motherfuckers in charge of the country has ever read Nassim Taleb, I can see that much! The fat tail on this one should have been too horrible to risk, but the bastards went ahead and did it anyway, didn't they?!

And my mind, ever helpful, has of course reminded me that it is also possible that the non-sterilizing vaccine will simultaneously lead to the evolution of increasingly virulent variants of COVID, which would hit the unvaccinated harder than the rest. So... there could be piles of both vaccinated and unvaccinated corpses in our future, from slightly different yet not exclusionary causes. It's not like there's a choice on offer that guarantees one's personal safety from all this. Not to mention, either scenario carries with it a good possibility of turning our entire modern health infrastructure into a smoking crater. The folly of our leadership runs so deep and dark... it literally boggles my soul. The more power mankind wields... the greater the fallout from their mistakes becomes in turn. 

And yet... and yet. Deep breaths. There is also a decent chance, out of all this, that COVID simply fades quietly away, and that all we're left with are the political consequences and the vaccine side effects. Not that those are any slouch - but, they are at least more comprehensible. 

I watched a video, first time in a long time (I used to watch him every day in May 2020) by Chris Martenson last night, after my divination. He went into great detail on vaccine side effect reporting from the EU, and highlighted something fascinating that I'd had no idea about. Of course heart issues of all types were widely reported, but the highest single effect reported in the data was neurological and anxiety disorders. This seems to include everything from seizures to onset of severe anxiety. Anxiety, eh? I think back on some of the interactions I've been at the receiving end of over the last month and I have to wonder...

But to get back on topic, the card is... as should not surprise me anymore... excruciatingly correct. It feels like a truth may have been revealed... but has it? Fundamentally, I still don't know. The larger context in my supplementary tarot warns that the reversed High Priestess can represent secrets that seem to have been revealed, but may actually stay a mystery. "Someone is obsessing about finding out all the facts when that is in fact impossible." Guilty, ugh...

And thus, I have decided to avoid checking JMG's site for the next two days, to give my soul a little bit of a break, and some time to recover. If I find that this doesn't help, I may actually stop checking all the news sites - I only go to alternative ones, but even so, COVID is the topic du jour all over every corner of the Internet right now. 

Because... frankly... if these scenarios are going to play out, one or the other, there's no longer anything that can be done to stop them. The vaccinations have been given. The variants are mutating. The economy won't survive another lock-down. I guess I could wear a mask? Ehhh... it would be far more practical to buy myself (and potentially the family) some elderberry syrup. And ivermectin. Time to dig up that site that routes generic meds through Vanuatu! Wheeee! 

Gonna put my kid to bed soon... then, let's divinate for tomorrow. May it be an easier day. I'm thinking that ALL reversed cards, even if ostensibly good readings, can create a bumpy ride...

Me: 6 of Clubs (The Tower) REVERSED - problems, but I can handle them

Situation: 8 of Spades (Justice) - Reason, Fairness "getting what you deserve, for good or ill"

Outcome: 5 of Spades REVERSED - not able to win, hollow victory

Well! This feels like a terrible divination. 

Interestingly, I usually get a "tell" very quickly with these cards, but for the first time I had to sort twice and reshuffle extensively before getting any extrasensory response at all, and it was very slight. I wonder if they didn't want to tell me? Or if I am just burned out... perhaps the spiritual exhaustion continues. 

In any case, I will stick to my guns, and see if it doesn't bring about some healing tomorrow. It's possible that if I treat these cards as a warning, the outcome may not be as terrible. We'll see. 

 It's come to my attention that it's about time to add in the energy-adding parts of the SOP, and the sooner the better! 

1. Perform the Opening, then Air, Fire, Water and Earth. 
2. Face to the south. 
3. Trace a circle horizontally right in front of you, as if on a table top, in orange flame. 
4. Imagine it descending to rest a few feet below your feet. 
5. Point straight down, to the center of the circle, and say the following words:

"By the magma gate and the power of the telluric current, I invoke Spirit Below, its spirits and its powers. May the powers of Spirit Below bless and protect me today and always, and further my work. May I be empowered by the telluric current."

6. Imagine intensely the deep places of the Earth and the powers that dwell there. Draw the powers of Spirit Below into yourself. 
7. Say "I thank the powers of Spirit Below for their gifts."
8. Perform the Closing. 

I'll keep to just this today, actually, and wait just a little bit longer to add in Spirit Above. And now, off to do a ritual...

Me card: I was a bit nervous about this one, having the nuance as it did of a deadly fight one might not necessarily win. What it seems to have been, though, was a reference to how I feel about my general situation - and that was what came out in my email to my mother-in-law today - I did not state it quite as bluntly as I am about to, but I am hyper-aware of what danger my family and I are in by our lack of social networks right now (and I do NOT mean Facebook!). A Fourth Turning is a bad, bad time to be an independent thinker. I am putting a lot of energy into trying to find ways to fit myself into a group that don't involve potentially sacrificing my own child. It SHOULD be easier than this, but, well, here we are. 

Situation card: Everything went so well for me today :) The universe is offering me a break, and by gum, I will accept it! My mother-in-law not only apologized to me directly for what happened, she told me that I'd shifted her perspective on vaccine refusers (!!). I had two interviews today (only being done for unemployment claim purposes) and both conversations were quite pleasant, and reminded me that there are options out there if something about Avery Denison doesn't work out. My health steadily improved throughout the day, I took a nice walk in the sun, I did floorcerzises at the request of my body, I did a ritual in the public park and I think I was decent entertainment for a mother and her son hanging out nearby, lol. Can't think of a better example of a day matching The Lovers, really!

Outcome card: "This card is telling the questioner that her best interests in this matter will be upheld by maintaining a non-confrontational stance. In addition, if a confrontation is feared, she can relax because it won't happen." Amen and amen to that, and full speed ahead with repairing my family relationships...!

Let's divinate to find out what tomorrow holds...

Me: 4 of Diamonds - Hesitation to help others, preoccupation with material possessions "security, protection, caution"

Situation: Jack of Spades - Caution, Potential

Outcome: Queen of Hearts (The Empress) - fertility, motherhood, "a sympathetic, loving woman will have a great deal to do with it"

Interesting - I hope that I can manage to be more generous than all that tomorrow! Nevertheless, a focus on security, I can see. This is mirrored by the Jack of Spades. This might represent something to do with my planned call with Violet tomorrow, too. Now of course my ears perk up whenever I get the Empress as the Outcome card... :) I still don't believe I am pregnant yet, that would genuinely surprise me, but I will keep an eye out for how this card might express itself without an actual pregnancy. And with that... time to cuddle my cute little toddler and get him to bed!